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In your navel-gazing moments, do you ever wonder if you are an Innie or an Outie?  No, not the shape your belly button, but whether you are an Introvert or an Extrovert.

Let’s look at the, mostly negative, stereotype of what an introvert is, they: –

• Avoid social gatherings
• Are often found lost in thought
• Spend most of their time alone
• Are boffins or unsuccessful
• Single
• Are probably quietly plotting a murder

I could go on; the Introvert has been unjustly vilified by society in favour of their more popular Extroverts, no wonder Innies’s have not owned up to it much. The good news is times are changing- introverts are starting to claim and be proud of their special superpowers.

So, are you an Innie? For most of us trying to decide we find its often not quite so clear cut, at least from your easily observable behaviours. For a start, you’ve chosen to work with people, and not just in a light way, but with a deep and intimate connection as a primary aim, but where does that sit with the stereotype of the introvert happier lost in their own thoughts or avoiding social contact. No wonder this process of assessment of self is a little confusing.

Furthermore, as a Counsellor, you are probably involved in spreading the word about counselling or even involved in training other professionals in the nuggets of counselling wisdom and experience you have picked up during your career. Would your audiences judge you as an introvert, probably not?  They might be quite shocked as this composed, and eloquent, speaker has wowed the audience and seriously bucks the longstanding concept of what an introvert is.

As an Innie myself, I have concluded that wherever I sit on the spectrum, between Introvert and Extrovert, I sit on a rather long bench, and I believe I am not alone. Being on a bench gives us a great amount of wiggle room to do all the things we want to do, many of which are thought to be the domain of the Extrovert.

So, with all these long benches to wiggle on and grey and behaviours that overlap the Extroverts’ traits, how do you decide.? Are you an Innie or Outie?

I think it’s all about how we recharge. I believe Extroverts have an inbuilt dynamo battery; you know the type on push bike lights. The more distance they ride with the pack, the brighter their light shines, the closer they ride together, the more energy they save from slipstreaming. Introverts, on the other hand, enjoy the pack pace for a while but then revert to their preferred speed, stop and smell the flowers, and rely on returning to a quiet place to plug in and recharge the lights.

So how does the work of Counsellor stack up for the Innie, does it leave them drained and in need of a quiet socket to plug into when the client has gone.  I think about it like this. Many Innies love to dive deeply into a book, active readers they often enter a form of relationship with the author, pondering the meaning and nuances of the text, whether that is fiction, philosophy, psychology or whatever. Pondering in this way is their way of recharging, and it can be their most go-to restoration station. Similarly, the Innie’s ability to immerse themselves in their client’s world, walk in their shoes, ponder their struggles, is not a draining experience; this is not small talk. The very act of the Innies deep consideration is itself energising and restful; giving endurance and stamina – it is the Innies’ superpower.

I must apologise for not having more to say on the experience of Outies. I am writing these blogs from the heart and my own experience and as such I’d be doing Outies a disservice in endeavouring to sum up just a few of their superpowers from rehashing anything I have read on the subject. Suffice to say the world needs us all – our clients need us all, perhaps now more than ever, and we need to value each other dearly and spread the love.

Lois Marshall

Counsellors.Rentamum.org

Rent a Mum – Inspirational Support for Grownups